Missing Osiris

Missing Osiris


Rivergirl looks up from her computer screen. Her gray-blond bun looks uncared for; her kindly face is drawn, and tears fill her dark blue eyes. "I just can't leave," she says to her dear friend Self d'Cait who has come to take her to lunch. "He's missing, and I'm just so worried. It's just not like him to be silent for so long. I know he never
really forgave me for the chickens or the purses, but I miss him anyway. Poor Osiris," she sighs, "where have you gotten to?"

"No problem," says Self. "I thought this might happen, so I brought lunch for us."
Self pours herself a tall glass of salad, artistically places a celery stick in the glass and then plops herself down in the corner to see what happens. She knows that when Rivergirl gets concerned she acts, and when she acts... well there's no telling what will happen.

Self is enjoying herself immensely as she looks around the office in the secret post office box located in Ansonia Station. Boxes of dead batteries are still stacked everywhere. Apparently Captain D's scheme to save the landfills struck a chord with MBers - they've been sending Himself their dead batteries for more than a month now.The place is in chaos.

Just then, Captain D rushes in waving madly. "I've got it," she shouts. "Gordon has given us the thingime he invented to find his way back to the Internet when his board went down. Here, sir, use this to locate our missing O."

"Thank you, Captain," drawls their Beloved Employer, "but I don't always share the little professor's confidence in his engineering abilities. "

At that, both Rivergirl and Captain D begin to sob loudly.

"Never mind," says their Beloved Employer, "you and I have faced greater struggles and emerged the stronger. We will again. But you're right, we must do something to find our friend, Osiris."

Self remains sitting in the corner. She has been watching this with much amusement and several helpings of salad, and she begins to sing:
Where o where has Osiris gone?
Where o where can he be?
With his hair cut long and...
(That's not really working, is it? Oh well!)
O where o where can he be?

Suddenly, Captain D has an idea. "We're pretty sure he's in this room," she says."Why don't we use this broom handle and just start banging around in this mess?
You know, that old Earth game of 'whack-a-mole'."

"I know she's wrong," says the enigmatic Nep (who sometimes morphs into a Maria), but I don't know why she's wrong. Show her, Sir."

Himself takes the broom handle and brings it down loudly on one of the piles of stuff in the office. That action triggers a painfully loud and discordant guitar twang.
Everyone now clearly understands why 'whack-a-mole' is not a good idea.

Well, everyone but Self who has had several more servings of salad. She begins to
sing again:
Why o why o why o
Why did I ever loose Osigh-ro?

Even Rivergirl raises an eyebrow at that one. Self is a dear, dear friend, but when she gets into the salad, her sense of rhyme is one of the first things to go.

Himself decides that he must trust the GMW locator beacon as there is no other option. He switches it on, and he and his team begin to scan the room. Suddenly, he hears a guitar chord and announces, "I've found something."

Rivergirl beams. "You've got him, Sir!"

"Well," says her Beloved Employer, "I've found him. Whether or not I can get him back is something else entirely."

The room falls silent. Himself looks over at his aged and slightly dotty personal assistant and notices that her dark blue eyes have filled with tears again. Glancing at Captain D and Nep, he sees similar looks of concern on their faces. "What's wrong?" he asks.

"Sir," says Rivergirl. "We're afraid he's been Andromidized. Every time a character on that show disappears, they come back changed. Sir, we want our Osiris back. We don't want him changed. Can you promise us that he'll be the same 17-70 year-old we know and love. Please, Sir..."



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