Impressing Chicks

Impressing Chicks

KHC is having his regular Monday morning meeting with his aged and somewhat dotty personal assistant, Rivergirl to outline his appointments for the upcoming week. While trying to organize anything based on discussions with Rivergirl is always a challenge, this week's meeting has been particularly confusing. Appointments have been rescheduled and even cancelled altogether so that she could slot in 3 new items labeled "PL." "What," KHC asks, "is PL? And why have you decided that it's the priority in my life?"

"PL stands for Polka Lessons, of course." says Rivergirl, with great pride and satisfaction in a job well done. "I thought it was the best place to start accomplishing your new life goal. You said you wanted to spend more time impressing Czechs!"

Chapter 2
I'm sorry. I know I'm supposed to be working on a Broadway musical. I just can't seem to help myself.

"Impressing chicks, you old…" snarls an exasperated KHC.

"Chicks, not Czechs!"

Rivergirl apologizes profusely. She has, incidentally, made so many mistakes in her career, that apologizing has become her greatest talent (which is not to say that it's any less sincere). As the meeting ends, she asks KHC to sign a blank piece of paper.
He is so shaken by the mental pictures triggered by the thought of polka lessons that he, unthinkingly, signs.

Later that day, KHC returns to the secret office located in a Post Office Box in NY. Rivergirl has used the previously obtained signature to create an embossing plate.
She is happily running KHC Inc. cheques through the machine - stamping KHC's name onto them.

"What are you doing? Are you trying to bankrupt us?" screams the KHC Inc. accountant (possibly Battyoldbroad?)

"What am I doing?" asks Rivergirl, confused by the sudden chill in the atmosphere.
"Why, I'm helping you, sir. I'm impressing cheques."

"Chicks, you…. Chicks!" screams an enraged KHC. He is horrified by the thought of spending his King Lear years performing polka demonstrations for Loonies on the street outside the Penthouse bar. He spins and rushes from the room. He is pale; he is shaking; he is not paying attention. He steps into the waiting vehicle.

Chapter 3
Okay, okay. I promise -- this is the last one...

Gradually, KHC is able to focus on his environment. And what an environment it is. As the door to the vehicle opens, his nostrils are assaulted by what can only be described as a hint of barnyard. His eyes (though watering from the odor) begin to focus on the unkempt bumpkin standing by the open door. It is Farmboy, Rivergirl's
even older and stranger cousin.

"Whall come on thar, (scratch, scratch, spit) young feller," drawls Farmboy. "Ah purely cain't see how y'all are agoin to do it, (s,s,s) being a city feller an' all. But Rivergirl's kin, so Ah guess Ah have to do what she asks. But git a move on, come on, lickety split."

KHC is appalled What has that addlepated old woman gotten him into now? Could it get any worse? He stumbles blindly after Farmboy who ambles into a run-down chicken coop and shoos all the hens out.

"Whall, thar y'all are," says Farmboy. "The best 50 chicks in Hamilton County, if'n Ah do say so myself. Go ahead, city feller, impress 'em."


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