European Cons

European Cons


Rivergirl looks up from her computer screen as her Beloved Employer enters the room. "Old Girl," he says, "I'm really concerned about Europe."

Rivergirl, as is often the case, is confused. "The economy? The environment? The political landscape?" she asks. Rivergirl is no fool and knows that "Europe" is too broad a topic to be concerned about - even for someone with her Beloved Employer's broad shoulders. This must be narrowed down.

"Don't be ridiculous," Himself snorts. "I'm concerned about our European MBers. When will I get to meet them if they keep canceling conventions? I think we need to take some proactive steps to get over there and meet these people. Why don't you find out all you can on European conventions, while I go for a walk in the park. Do you think you can handle that?"

"You would be amazed at what I'm capable of," shoots back a confident Rivergirl.
Rivergirl is so pleased that her Beloved Employer's trust has been restored. She decides it's time to take some proactive steps of her own. "Sir," she says, pointing to a huddled figure in the corner of the room, "I think you have other things to deal with as well."

"Ah yes," says Himself, "the care and feeding of dedicated moderators. Get up, Boy.
It's time you got out of here and remembered how to play. We're going for a walk."
Himself leads Osiris to the door and heads for the park. They are followed, at a discrete distance, by Captain D who has, since the unfortunate kidnapping incident, left the dark side and is now head of security for Himself. Captain D. is followed at a discrete distance by the private eye, Slip Stream who does not completely trust Captain D., no matter how much she proclaims her loyalty.

While her Beloved Employer is out feeding his dedicated moderator, Rivergirl begins her meticulous search for appropriate European conventions. "Let's see," she muses.
"I can find all sorts of European Conventions on various important issues. But none of them seem to have an Andromidary flavor. Let's see, how do I fix this little problem. That's it..."

When the first contact mission to the park returns, Rivergirl has prepared an impressive plan. "Sir, there does not appear to be any existing con. that will work - we must reshape the universe according to our own plan. I suggest we create our own con. to be held at a location of our choice. I have narrowed it down to 3 possibities.

"We could, of course, hold it in Croatia. The Dalmatian coast sounds lovely, even if they do have a problem with snails. The major difficulty with that location is that there is a distinct possibility that either you or Osiris or both will be mooned.

"The second option is the south of England. Lovely people, but the weather... The ladies were so please with your barefoot, casual look at Tulsa. I'm not sure they would accept you wearing several sweaters, heavy jeans and wellies.

"Finally, there's Germany, which has many advantages. For starters there is a German part of the family. And it's somewhat central, so that Lea could come from Estonia, and Julia could come from Russia. And of course, it would be so nice for Osiris to be able to talk to tombraider."

"Who's Tom Braider?" interjects Himself.

"No, Sir. Not Tom Braider - Tomb Raider. She's a lovely archeologist from Berlin.
She's one of the few people who truly understand our dear Osiris, studying ancient Egyptians and all.

"Anyway, sir. I believe they are all valid options. I recommend that we put all three names in a jar and draw out the winner."

Himself, remembering that Rivergirl is so often right in her assessments, agrees to the plan. The three names are placed in a jar and then - in the interest of impartiality - Captain D. is asked to draw the name of the winning location.

"Ha!" she chortles. "And the winner is... Toronto!"

"Captain D," glowers Rivergirl, "I am not pleased."

Captain D runs from the room, followed closely by Slip Stream. Rivergirl calmly puts all the names back in the jar, and then follows behind the other two to ensure that no food is harmed in the inevitable skuffle.

"Boss," asks Osiris, "do you really think the old girl is up to this job? At her age, I mean. Does she still have what it takes to be a personal assistant?"

"She got you out into the sunshine; she picked three good locations for a con., and, by hiring Slip Stream, she thwarted Captain D.'s evil plot. Yeah, I'd pretty much say she's a PA."


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